i have mulled over how i am going to put down the following thoughts, senses and feelings, without distorting the events too much, or even causing the gentleman concerned any insult. in these situations, a little tact doesn’t go amiss, so i find sticking as close to my true version of events is the most emotionally logical way forward. but how to begin…

i was feeling somewhat ‘broken’ recently. i was in pain – the emotional pain had also led to physical pain i hadn’t felt in a long while – if ever, that i can recall now. i’d felt like my heart had been quite literally ripped out of my chest – i couldn’t breathe, my hands were shaking; a sense of loss so profound it literally shook me.

when something so emotional happens, that affects my self-esteem and confidence, i tend to turn towards looking for external pleasures, to take my mind and heart off the internal pain.

Continue reading the gentleman →